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Introduction
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Maia & the Worry Bug
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Rising Tide
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Anxiety Asssessment
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Any kind of anxiety can have an impact on children’s development. An influx of adrenalin in response to stress can mean that their brains are unable to settle into learning or be able to moderate their behaviour. Stressed children often come from stressed families, and parents who are stressed cannot settle enough to attend well to their children either.
When you are a parent it is your job to nurture, love, teach and guide your children. Be BIGGER, STRONGER, WISER and MORE PATIENT. It is important that children know that their adults are in charge of their world. If you are worried about the world and feeling out of control, it is harder for your children to feel safe. We don’t have to be perfect parents, just good enough. Sometimes, the adjustments we make as parents because of the worry we feel, become comfortable. We don’t want to stop them. This is called “accommodation”. We have accommodated our behaviours and the way we live, to the worries. We feel better if we are constantly checking that our kids are safe, or sleeping with them, or not leaving them…However, there comes a time when we need to put these adjustments aside, because the adjustments in themselves begin to cause problems. The exercises in our books for families 'Maia & the Worry Bug' and 'Rising Tide' are for you as much as for your children. If you engage with them, you may find some ways to lessen your own anxiety. When you do this, anxiety in the family will be lessened. If the children know that you have ways to manage the anxiety as a family, they will be freed up to do normal childhood things like going to school, making and keeping friends and learning new skills. |
Watch this short clip of Registered Psychologist and co-author of the Rising Tide Project, Julie Burgess-Manning, to gain a greater understanding of ways to increase the effectiveness of using the books and activities in your home.
'Knowing what your limits were, what your skillset is (was important). For me it was keeping my husband fuelled to do what he needed, or going with him to do it.' - Alice |
Read 'Maia and the Worry Bug' or 'Māia rāua ko Ngārara Pāwera' with your family and then download and print the family activities below.
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Listen to the audiobook, or read the ebook versions of Rising Tide and He Tai Pari, then download these activities to use with your family. You can find examples of kōwhaiwhai, as mentioned in the activities here.
These activities are designed for parents or caregivers to use with their families. While aimed mostly at managing anxiety, the exercises are also designed to build emotional intelligence in your family. They are more than a set of techniques, but rather an attempt to change the culture of talking and managing feelings, so that this becomes more comfortable in your family.
As with any new thing, it will go better if a trusted adult leads this process for the children. And remember that this is your family; you should choose what to focus on and what to leave behind. Having said that, however, the exercises may bring up challenging ideas or new conversations in your family. Try to be brave about this and don’t shut these conversations down; explore new territory with the hope that it will help your family deal with their feelings in a better and more collaborative way. The exercises are designed to be done as a family, but will work with most configurations. You might also like to try some of them with your partner, or with other adults who are part of your family.
As with any new thing, it will go better if a trusted adult leads this process for the children. And remember that this is your family; you should choose what to focus on and what to leave behind. Having said that, however, the exercises may bring up challenging ideas or new conversations in your family. Try to be brave about this and don’t shut these conversations down; explore new territory with the hope that it will help your family deal with their feelings in a better and more collaborative way. The exercises are designed to be done as a family, but will work with most configurations. You might also like to try some of them with your partner, or with other adults who are part of your family.
Choose someone to read these notes to you all, or share it around, but make sure there is an adult in charge. Write your answers on the printable activities page, or use your own paper if you prefer. Some exercises require you to use a large bit of paper, or to have your own private notes. Be prepared for these beforehand. Most exercises can stand on their own, though there is some order to them, so that you can work through them for best effect or just choose the ones you want to do. The last section is to help embed the changes that you have made, so it needs to be paired with other exercises. There are suggested timeframes on each exercise. As a family you might like to make regular times that you do these – maybe weekly, or you might like to be flexible and dip into them as it suits you. |
There are many symptoms of anxiety. Most people recognise the classic symptoms; worry, fear of things like spiders/dogs/the dark, or for small children, separation from parents or caregivers. But, there are a variety of ways that anxiety is experienced that are not so recognisable. An example of this is when you are worried, you will find it difficult to concentrate or focus on a task. Children may find it difficult to learn new things, or to remember things they have previously learnt. Adults and children experiencing anxiety may seem rude, or dismissive.
Anxiety is often part of family relationships, rather than just a problem for one member of the family. Sometimes though, one family member seems to express their anxiety more than others- either in behaviours or in words. |
'Maia and the Worry Bug' Written by Julie Burgess-Manning, Illustrated by Jenny Coooper 2015
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Often, a child is responding to anxiety felt by everyone, not necessarily anxiety that begins with them. For example, you may be worried about leaving your child at school, and you express that in your irritability in the morning and your prolonged cuddle at the school gate. The child will feel this and may respond in kind - reinforcing your thoughts that they are anxious about leaving you too.
A vicious cycle can then develop – and it may not be obvious what triggered the anxious feelings you experienced that day. It may have been concern for an extended family member, a distressing item you heard on the news or work stress for your partner, or perhaps you can’t isolate just one thing.
Addressing anxiety as a family will have a better result for your children than addressing it in one person. Even if your child is the carrier of the anxiety, research shows us that families working with children to manage these symptoms is a lot more effective than the child doing this alone. Looking at anxiety as a family benefits all the members, and best supports the person that needs the most help.
If you are very concerned about your family after reading this checklist through, your first port of call should be your GP.
A vicious cycle can then develop – and it may not be obvious what triggered the anxious feelings you experienced that day. It may have been concern for an extended family member, a distressing item you heard on the news or work stress for your partner, or perhaps you can’t isolate just one thing.
Addressing anxiety as a family will have a better result for your children than addressing it in one person. Even if your child is the carrier of the anxiety, research shows us that families working with children to manage these symptoms is a lot more effective than the child doing this alone. Looking at anxiety as a family benefits all the members, and best supports the person that needs the most help.
If you are very concerned about your family after reading this checklist through, your first port of call should be your GP.